The Grandparent Effect

The "grandparent effect" refers to the measurable positive impact that involved grandparents have on children's development, wellbeing, and life outcomes. This phenomenon has been documented across cultures and throughout history, but contemporary research is revealing just how profound and lasting these influences can be—even when grandparents live at a distance.

A comprehensive study from the Oxford University Centre for Family Research, following 1,500 children over 15 years, found that children with involved grandparents showed higher emotional wellbeing scores, greater resilience in the face of adversity, and better peer relationships than those without such connections. Importantly, the study defined "involvement" not by proximity but by emotional closeness and regular contact—factors that can be cultivated through intentional long-distance connection.

Dr. Shawn Achor, positive psychology researcher and author of The Happiness Advantage, emphasises that children's sense of belonging and unconditional love serves as a foundation for lifelong resilience. Grandparents often provide a unique form of this love—one that differs from parental love in its lack of disciplinary responsibility and its abundance of time and patience. As Achor notes, "When we feel supported and loved, our brains become more capable of taking on challenges and bouncing back from setbacks."

The grandparent effect extends to identity formation. Research by Dr. Robyn Fivush at Emory University demonstrates that children who know family stories and histories develop stronger identity narratives and higher self-esteem. Grandparents are often the family historians, the keepers of stories that help children understand where they come from and who they are. Even from a distance, grandparents who share family stories—through letters, recorded stories, or video calls—contribute to their grandchildren's sense of self.

Perhaps most remarkably, the grandparent effect can buffer against significant life stressors. A 2019 study in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that children who experienced parental divorce but maintained close relationships with grandparents showed significantly fewer behavioural problems and better academic outcomes than those without such support. The researchers suggested that grandparents provide stability and continuity during times of family upheaval.

Dr. Bruce Perry, child psychiatrist and co-author with Oprah Winfrey of What Happened to You?, explains this through the lens of neurodevelopment: "The developing brain craves patterns, rhythm, and predictability. When grandparents provide consistent presence—even if that presence is through weekly phone calls or monthly letters—they create a pattern of reliability that helps regulate a child's stress response system."

The grandparent effect also manifests in unexpected ways. Research shows that children with involved grandparents display greater empathy, more positive attitudes towards ageing and older people, and stronger intergenerational communication skills. These benefits extend into adulthood, with one longitudinal study finding that adults who had close relationships with grandparents in childhood reported higher life satisfaction and stronger family bonds in their own midlife.

For grandparents navigating distance, these findings offer both reassurance and inspiration. The grandparent effect isn't diminished by geography—it's diminished by absence of connection. A grandparent who sends thoughtful letters, remembers important moments, shares family stories, and maintains consistent contact can exert just as powerful an influence as one who lives nearby but remains emotionally distant.

References

• Achor, S. (2010). The happiness advantage: The seven principles of positive psychology that fuel success and performance at work. New York: Crown Business.
• Fivush, R., Bohanek, J. G., & Duke, M. (2008). The intergenerational self: Subjective perspective and family history. In F. Sani (Ed.), Self-continuity: Individual and collective perspectives (pp. 131-143). New York: Psychology Press.
• Henderson, C. E., Hayslip, B., Sanders, L. M., & Loren, L. (2009). Grandmother-grandchild relationship quality predicts psychological adjustment among youth from divorced families. Journal of Family Issues, 30(9), 1245-1264.
• Oxford University Centre for Family Research. (2018). Grandparents Plus: The role of grandparents in children's wellbeing. Oxford: University of Oxford.
• Perry, B. D., & Winfrey, O. (2021). What happened to you? Conversations on trauma, resilience, and healing. New York: Flatiron Books.
• Ruiz, S. A., & Silverstein, M. (2007). Relationships with grandparents and the emotional well-being of late adolescent and young adult grandchildren. Journal of Social Issues, 63(4), 793-808.