Why Connection Matters

The hardest part of loving grandchildren from afar isn’t the physical distance between you, it's often the feeling of missing out on those important life moments (big and small!). Being unable to pass on values, or share the wisdom and stories as easily.

This page brings together the research and the practical tools to help you stay meaningfully connected — wherever you and your family call home.

The Research

  • The Loneliness Epidemic in Adults

    Loneliness is rampant among all sections of adult society and has emerged as one of the most pressing public health challenges of the 21st century. Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has described loneliness as an epidemic, noting that its health impacts rival those of smoking 15 cigarettes per day.

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  • Intergenerational Connection & Cognitive Health

    The relationship between intergenerational connection and cognitive health represents one of the most compelling arguments for maintaining strong grandparent-grandchild bonds, particularly across distance. Emerging neuroscience reveals that social engagement—especially the cognitively demanding work of relating to younger generations—provides powerful protection against cognitive decline.

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  • The Grandparent Effect

    The "grandparent effect" refers to the measurable positive impact that involved grandparents have on children's development, wellbeing, and life outcomes. This phenomenon has been documented across cultures and throughout history, but contemporary research is revealing just how profound and lasting these influences can be—even when grandparents live at a distance.

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  • Physical Health Benefits

    The connection between strong family relationships and physical health has been well established in medical literature, but the specific health benefits for grandparents who maintain close relationships with grandchildren are particularly striking. These benefits operate through multiple biological pathways, from immune function to cardiovascular health to longevity itself.

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  • Purpose in Retirement

    The transition to retirement represents one of life's most significant identity shifts. After decades of work-defined identity and structured days, many retirees struggle to find meaning and purpose. For grandparents, particularly those separated from grandchildren by distance, active grandparenting can provide exactly the sense of purpose that research shows is critical for wellbeing in later life.

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  • Legacy and 'Generativity'

    One of the most profound psychological needs in later life is what psychologist Erik Erikson termed "generativity"—the desire to nurture and guide the next generation, to leave a lasting legacy, and to feel that one's life has mattered beyond oneself. For grandparents, particularly those separated by distance, the grandparent-grandchild relationship offers a powerful avenue for fulfilling this fundamental human need.

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Wellbeing

Connection as Medicine

Regular interaction between grandparents and grandchildren serves as powerful preventative healthcare for both generations. Research shows that grandparents who maintain close relationships with grandchildren experience lower rates of depression, improved cognitive function, and increased longevity. For grandchildren, the emotional security and unconditional love provided by grandparents contributes to better mental health outcomes, increased resilience, and stronger sense of identity throughout their lives.

Connection

Tangible Connection

Whilst video calls and digital communication have their place, physical objects create deeper emotional bonds and lasting memories that screen-based interaction alone cannot replicate. Neuroscience research reveals that tangible items—letters written in a grandparent's handwriting, parcels wrapped with care, or handmade gifts—engage multiple senses and create stronger neural pathways associated with memory and emotional connection. These physical touchpoints become treasured keepsakes that grandchildren can return to repeatedly, reinforcing the bond even when geography separates.

Habits

Rituals & Routine

Establishing regular connection rituals provides psychological benefits for both grandparents and grandchildren by creating predictable moments of joy and anticipation in otherwise unpredictable lives. For grandparents, knowing that every month brings a parcel to prepare or every Sunday morning includes a video story time provides structure, purpose, and something meaningful to look forward to during retirement. For grandchildren, these reliable rituals create a sense of security and demonstrate that they are consistently loved and remembered, regardless of the physical distance between them.

  • "Since we started sending monthly parcels to our grandchildren in Wellington, I've noticed such a difference in my own wellbeing. Knowing they're opening something they will love gives me such purpose. It's become the highlight of my month."

    Margaret, 68, grandmother of three

  • "I was struggling with feeling forgotten and left out of my grandchildren's lives. Then I started sending them letters and handmade books. Now they ask their mum when the next one is coming. It's completely changed how I see my role as a grandmother."
    Susan, 65, remote grandmother of five

What the Experts Say

"Grandparents who maintain regular, intentional contact with grandchildren—even from a distance—report significantly higher life satisfaction and sense of purpose. The key is consistency and creativity. A monthly parcel or weekly video call becomes an anchor point that both generations look forward to, providing structure and emotional continuity that transcends physical proximity." - Dr. Susan Bosak, Psychologist & Author, How to Build the Grandma Connection

Reference: Bosak, S. V. (2000). How to build the grandma connection. Whitchurch-Stouffville, ON: The Communication Project.

"Children who have strong relationships with grandparents demonstrate better emotional regulation, higher self-esteem, and increased resilience when facing life challenges. These benefits don't require daily physical contact—what children need is the consistent message that they are loved, remembered, and valued. A grandparent who sends thoughtful letters or parcels communicates this powerfully." - Dr. Shilpa Sathyanarayana Rao, Child Development Specialist

Reference: Rao, S. S., & Lal, B. (2020). Grandparents and grandchildren: Special bonds bridging generations. Indian Journal of Psychiatry, 62(Suppl 2), S204-S207.

"Our longitudinal research shows that the grandparent-grandchild relationship is one of the most enduring family bonds, often outlasting marriages and other relationships. When grandparents make consistent efforts to stay connected across distance—through letters, phone calls, video chats, or thoughtful gifts—they're building a relationship infrastructure that will sustain both generations through life's inevitable transitions." - Dr. Valerie King, Professor of Sociology, Penn State University

Reference: King, V., & Elder, G. H., Jr. (1997). The legacy of grandparenting: Childhood experiences with grandparents and current involvement with grandchildren. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 59(4), 848-859.

"The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is unique because it's typically free from the discipline and daily friction that can characterise parent-child dynamics. This makes it especially important for children's sense of unconditional love and belonging. Geographic distance doesn't eliminate this benefit—in fact, the specialness of receiving a parcel or letter from a grandparent can actually intensify the emotional impact." - Dr. Sara Moorman, Sociologist, Boston College

Reference: Moorman, S. M., & Stokes, J. E. (2016). Solidarity in the grandparent-adult grandchild relationship and trajectories of depressive symptoms. The Gerontologist, 56(3), 408-420.

Statistics

Around 40% of New Zealand grandparents live more than 100 km from their nearest grandchild, as families move within the country for work or lifestyle, or relocate overseas.[1]

[1] Statistics New Zealand. 2018. 2018 Census: Geographic distribution of families and households. stats.govt.nz

More than 600,000 New Zealanders live in Australia, leaving many grandparents separated from grandchildren by the Tasman Sea. Although only a short flight away it is still 2,000 km. [2]

[2] Australian Bureau of Statistics. 2021. Migration, Australia, 2019–20. abs.gov.au

Younger families increasingly concentrate in major cities such as Auckland, Wellington, Sydney, and Melbourne for work, while many grandparents remain in regional towns, widening the rural–urban gap in everyday contact.[3][4]

[3] Australian Institute of Health and Welfare. 2019. Rural & remote health. aihw.gov.au

[4] OECD. 2020. OECD Regions and Cities at a Glance 2020: New Zealand. OECD Publishing.

By 2030, over 20% of New Zealand's population is projected to be aged 65+, increasing the number of grandparents experiencing geographic separation as adult children relocate for work or lifestyle.[5]

[5] Statistics New Zealand. 2020. National population projections: 2020(base)–2073. stats.govt.nz

Border closures from 2020 to 2022 intensified isolation for international families, with some going 2+ years without in‑person contact.[6][7]

[6] New Zealand Government. 2022. COVID‑19 border restrictions timeline. govt.nz

[7] Australian Human Rights Commission. 2021. The impact of COVID‑19 on people who are older: Survey report. Sydney: AHRC.

While internet use amongst older New Zealanders is high, many report digital fatigue and prefer tangible, offline connection alongside video calls.[8][9][10]

[8] Age Concern New Zealand. 2020. Digital inclusion and older people in Aotearoa. Wellington: Age Concern NZ.

[9] Digital Inclusion Research Group. 2019. The New Zealand Digital Inclusion Landscape. Wellington: InternetNZ.

[10] Pew Research Center. 2021. Internet/Broadband Fact Sheet. pewresearch.org

Understanding why connection matters is the first step. Now let's explore practical ways to nurture these precious relationships across the miles.

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